So, after one totally unsatisfying visit to the GP (Him: "You have a cyst inside your eyelid. There's nothing you can do. Hope you like your glasses!" Me: "Wrong answer!") and a much more satisfying visit to the optometrist, it seems that I won't need to knit myself a set of decorative eye patches after all. I have giant papillary conjunctivitis--basically a rash on the insides of my eyelids caused by over-wearing of my contacts and possibly an allergic reaction to Target-brand contact solution. I'm banned from wearing contacts for a month, and after that I'll be using better solution and wearing glasses two days a week. That's it.
I'm feeling a little vain and disappointed about the glasses situation, but I am pleased to not have cancer or anything else where they remove my eye, and so I am being grateful and polishing my "I rock the glasses hard" vibe instead. Glasses! Yay!
(And for my mom: Tina Fey, role model to glasses-wearing writer-girls the world over.)